COI alert.  I’ve known Bob Waldinger for many years both professionally and at our Temple and have admired him and his work.  Given that, my comments on this remarkable book have not been influenced by that relationship.

This is another one of those books that I bought three years ago and have picked up and dropped several times since then.  Part of my difficulty in reading it was my deep dislike for most “how to improve yourself” books, books that promise health, wealth, and happiness if you will just eat more kale, or stretch each morning, or find your inner peace for a few minutes each day.  So imagine my relief when 50 pages or so into the book, I realized that there was substance, science and wisdom in this book.

Waldinger is the Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development which has followed the lives of two generations of individuals from the same families for more than 80 years, the longest and best scientific study of its kind. The study began in Boston in the 1930’s and comprised two groups of boys. The first was a group of 268 sophomores at Harvard College, and the second was a group of 456 inner-city Boston boys who were selected based on their having escaped delinquency despite growing up in disadvantaged neighborhoods and in troubled families.  The young boys were given medical exams and their families were interviewed.  Every two years or so, they were re-examined, blood drawn, and interviewed. Amazingly, more than 80 years later, 84% of the now octagenarian  participants have continued to participate in the study, providing Waldinger and Schulz, the Associate Director, with a rich and unique data set with which to examine questions about what makes for a happy life.

To cut right to the chase, their conclusions are not surprising and might even be called common sensical.  It turns out that whether you’re the son of a Boston Brahmin born to wealth and Harvard or an immigrant’s kid growing up in poverty, the primary determinant of whether you have lived a life of happiness, satisfaction, and good health is the number and strength of the relationships you have developed during that life—spouse, children, siblings, relatives, and perhaps most of all, friends and extended family.

The book effectively combines anecdotes and scientific studies from the literature with the data from the Study itself to conclude that “Good relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer.”    There is also good news in that “it doesn’t matter how old you are, where you are in the life cycle, whether you are married or not married, introverted or extroverted; everyone can make positive turns in their life.”   In other words, if you, like me tend to like being alone with my books, get up and get out.

As the final sentences in the book say, “Think about one person,  just one person who is important to you.  Someone who may not know how much they really mean to you.  It could be your spouse, your significant other, a friend, a coworker, a sibling, a parent, a child, or even a coach or a teacher from younger days. ….Think about where they stand in their lives. What are they struggling with? Think about what they mean to you, what they have done for you in your life. Where would you be without them? Who would you be? Now think about what you would thank them for if you thought you would never see them again.  And at this moment—right now—turn to them. Call them. Tell them.”

Powerful advice and an excellent summary of the book.  I’d write more but I have to make a call and then I have to join five friends for lunch, and then I have to go to a lecture tonight with my wife…..I don’t know about you, but if this will make me happier and live longer, I’m all in.  Thanks, Bob and Marc.